The TARDIS and the Crab
by gingergallifreyan125
Summary: Set between New Earth and Tooth and Claw. Fluff. Meddling TARDIS. Movie night gone wrong–or did it?


It wasn't meant to go like that.

The Doctor wasn't sure where it all went wrong—well, _right,_ and, well, he knew exactly where he went wrong—but he supposed it was bound to happen sometime.

It all started when Rose suggested movie night. After discussing several options, they settled on Star Wars: A New Hope, but the Doctor, always aiming to impress, did one better.

"You know, those movies aren't just fiction. There really were Star Wars. We learned about them in history classes at the academy," he said as he plopped down on the couch in the media room and patted the space next to him.

"Really, Doctor?" she rolled her eyes as she sat.

"Yes! I tried to visit that galaxy, but the TARDIS wouldn't let me. The events are time locked."

"So how did they get turned into movies, then?"

"Rose, I'm not the only Time Lord to have visited Earth before we all went back to Gallifrey for the Time War. One of them must've gotten the story to George Lucas somehow, and bam! Best sci-fi movie franchise of its time."

Rose looked playfully incredulous. "You think you're so impressive."

"Oi! I am impressive!" he preened as he put his arm around Rose's shoulder, and she settled into his side. "Tell you what. Here's how impressive I am. I'm abusing my privilege as a time traveler, but in 2012, Disney is going to buy Lucas Films. In 2015, they'll produce Episode VII: The Force Awakens, and it'll be a box office hit. And since the TARDIS is a time machine," and at this the TARDIS rolled her eyes, but he assured her he owed her one, "we can see it before everybody else. Whaddya say, Rose Tyler?"

She smiled. "Sure."

He locked eyes with her and grinned, and without looking, he took his sonic out of his jacket pocket and pointed it at the screen, just to make a point of his impressiveness.

Rose geeked out at every reference to the original trilogy, even clapping when R2 appeared on the screen.

The Doctor scoffed when Rose "fainted" at the sight of Harrison Ford. She wouldn't shut up about how good he looked for his age.

"For his age? Ha! He's got nothing on 900 years," he skulked.

Rose grinned up at him. He wouldn't look at her. She nuzzled her nose in his cheek, and then he tickled her side until she shoved a throw pillow at him, and they both erupted in laughter and eventually settled back in to continue the movie.

Rose squealed with delight at the film's conclusion.

The Doctor cleared his throat. "See, Rose Tyler? I am so impressive," and he lightly brushed the side of his head.

"Yeah, you are." She patted his stomach.

"You know what we need? Popcorn." He stood up from the couch and held out his hand to Rose, which she took to stand up. "Let's go make some popcorn and banana shakes and the TARDIS can queue up Episode VIII."

The TARDIS grumbled. The Doctor ignored it as he followed Rose to the galley.

When they returned to the couch, the Doctor set the large popcorn bowl in his lap and used the sonic to start the movie. He put his arm around Rose again, and she hummed contentedly.

On the screen flashed the classic Renaissance era Disney logo.

"What?" the Doctor raised his eyebrow, and banged the sonic up against his palm. He pointed it at the screen again. The screen didn't change.

The TARDIS snickered.

"She won't let me change it." This time he tried to turn the media player off, but it wouldn't obey. "She's not even letting me turn it off. Bugger. Let's she what she queued."

" _The Little Mermaid_! Oh, I love this one!" Rose exclaimed.

"Well, as long as you're happy, I suppose it's fine." _Note to self: never let the TARDIS pick a movie._ To be fair, he had asked her to step beyond the rules of fair play in time travel. He supposed she was getting one back at him.

He stuck his hand in the popcorn and skulkily shoved some popcorn in his mouth.

"Quit skulking, Doctor. It'll be over in a bit and then we can just pick something else that won't break the rules as a time traveller."

" _Hmph_." He didn't say anything for a while. He just shoved popcorn in his mouth. Rose shrugged and enjoyed the movie anyway, making comments or laughing at the funny bits.

At one point, Rose looked up at the Doctor and asked him, "Are merpeople real?"

"Yes. They were on Earth for a while. Sailors weren't lying in their tales about seeing them. They can sing beautifully. But they are a mysterious race, not malicious at all, but you know humans. Afraid of what they don't know. Their ship mistakenly crashed on Earth while on a shortcut through your solar system and they had to live in the sea until they could repair it. Took quite a long time, as wooden ships weren't suitable for the parts they needed. Once humans started building mechanical ships and submarines, they made do and were able to leave." He paused. "Aquariana. Their planet. It's quite beautiful, actually. The water is crystal clear, a beautiful shade of turquoise. You can see down for miles. We'll have to go sometime."

"Can I get my own mermaid clam bra?"

"Rose, they only wore those in this movie for purposes of modesty. Real mermaids don't wear anything."

"All the better, then."

She flashed her signature grin at the Doctor, but he glued his eyes to the screen and tugged at his ear. He shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth. If the room were brighter, she would have seen the red glow in his cheeks.

All was fine after that until the song. _THE_ song.

His eyes widened a bit, and he almost forgot to breathe. Lucky for him, he had that respiratory bypass.

 _"There you see her, sitting there across the way…"_ the crab crooned.

 _Oh my gods_.

 _"She don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her. And you don't know why, but you're dyin to try, you wanna kiss the girl."_

Yeah, he did.

Their adventures in New Earth flashed in his mind, when she took hold of him and snogged him good.

That kiss wasn't right, though. That wasn't Rose.

 _"Yes, you want her. Look at her, you know you do."_

 _I'M NOT GOING TO LOOK AT ROSE,_ he argued.

 _"Possible she want it, too, there is one way to ask her."_

 _Is that…is the TARDIS singing, too? What—you cheeky sentient time machine!_

She gloated.

Rose grabbed a handful of popcorn to munch on.

 _"It don't take a word, not a single word, go on and kiss the girl."_

He shifted uncomfortably. His hearts pounded.

 _"Sing with me now! Sha la la la la la la, my-oh-my, look like the boy to shy, he ain't gonna kiss the girl."_ He rolled his eyes at the TARDIS. " _Ain't that sad, ain't it a shame, too bad he gonna miss the girl."_ The TARDIS laughed.

Prince Eric talked, but the Doctor wasn't listening. He was thinking about…

Those lips, so soft and yet bruising with intensity. Her hands raking through his hair. The sensation of the memory left his scalp tingling, and he had been subconsciously craving her touch ever since.

 _"Now's your moment, floating in a blue lagoon. Boy, you better do it soon, no time will be better."_

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

 _"She don't say a word, and she won't say a word until you kiss the girl."_

He sat upright and moved the popcorn bowl to the end table.

"Doctor, what's wro—"

She was cutoff by the Doctor cupping her jaw in his hands and his lips meeting hers. As the music continued, she softened into him and ran her hands through his hair. He moaned at that, and their lips moved together with growing intensity. Rose put her hands on his chest and pushed him to lie back, and he happily obliged, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her with him.

As the song ended, they parted, breathless. She grinned down at him. "Hello," she said, bashfully.

"Hello," he said softly in return.

She brushed a hair from his forehead. "You still got it," she giggled, and he laughed.

She settled into his side. She laid her head on his chest and draped her arm over his torso. He contentedly sighed, his lips still burning.

 _Note to self: always let the TARDIS pick a movie._

The TARDIS smirked. She considered them even.


End file.
